Food Issues

Well this week has been THE BEST! Seriously..  Thank you God for enlightening me once again. I am OVER my food issues. How do I know this? Because I decided I was. I guess I have been playing the victim..."I can't control myself." "I am an addict." "Poor me." Blah, blah, blah....    Well I just decided that it was no longer an option to eat away an emotion. There that's done.

Next topic.

Purpose. What is my purpose? I have no clue what my purpose is, but I did find that I LOVE training clients. I absolutely LOVE it. I did find that every single person has the same amount of potential. They all have will, and I get the absolute privelege of giving them the skill. 

I realized through training others that self-discipline is a skill. It can be taught. I teach it in fact. If someone is doing sprints and they stop short of touching the wall... guess what? They get to go back and touch the wall, then they get to do it twice more.

If someone is doing chops and they don't want to fully extend their arms and touch their foot ... guess what? They get to do if five more times perfectly.

That is exactly what you do when you chose to slack...  you add work for yourself and that's what I do with my clients... I give them more work to do to magnify their behavior.

So through teaching my clients the importance of disciplining themselves and immersing themselves 100% to every action they take.. I have learned some great insight.

I don't know my purpose... I feel a bit lost as usual. One thing I do know is that I will not be able to fulfill my ultimate purpose in this life time without self-discipline.

I have told God that I want a BIG project. That is my motto: Go BIG or GO HOME. God told me that I am not ready for a BIG project. I need one thing:  SELF DISCIPLINE in all that I do.

So for now... that IS my main purpose in life. My main purpose is to perfect my self-discipline in all that I do. I now realize that NOTHING can be accomplished without it. Nothing. I also found that the one thing that seems to be imprisoning is actually the one thing that liberates:  Self-discipline.

Cheers!
~C.

Alternative School

Well I was a bit too quick to judge alternative school. I went there with my boy to check it out and believe it or not it is exactly what he needs. Exactly what will benefit him most. There are 90 kids in the whole school. If he isn't doing well academically there will be no place for him to hide. There will be no risk of him getting lost in the shuffle.

What I initially judged as the lesser of two evils seems to have panned out as a Godsend.

~C.

three years

I mapped out my education. I have three years full time to get my Business Administrations degree with an emphasis in marketing. It seems as though I am a bit old to be going to school, but hey in three years I will be three years older anyway and I would prefer to have the degree.

This plan is all dependent upon whether or not  I will be accepted into the Army National Guard. This is everything.

If this doesn't happen... I am going to cry. Yeah.. I will cry. I'll probably pout too.

But then I'll move on and find out that everything happens for a reason... it always does.

My point is that I really, really, really want this and I find it completely frustrating that my fate is in someone elses hands.I do have enough faith to realize that if it wasn't meant to be.. that something 10 x better awaits.

So anyway..  I have to continually remind myself that worry and fretting about this is a useless endeavor. A passtime that only hinders the operation. Forging on confidently and securely knowing that I can handle anything that comes my way is key.

~C.

Time

So... you know I blinked and woke up one day and realized that I was old. Where did the time go? You can't stop the old... or can you?

Well.... I was at the gym doing an exercise that was timed for 60 seconds on the clock. There is a digital clock up on the wall in the abs room and I was watching it intently. I couldn't believe how long one stinking minute was taking. I was watching, watching, watching.....   I couldn't believe it.

Then there is that saying, "A watched pot never boils." So true. It takes like forever.

This is time. Precious time that you can't otherwise find in the day... there it is taking forever when you least want it to.

So what gives?

I figured this out. I was daydreaming, daydreaming, daydreaming distracted by my thoughts. The thoughts that jump from one channel to the other by default. Without any kind of effort or focus.. there they are jumping around unbridled. While I was doing my next set of 60 second timed intervals. This time.. the minute was over in a flash. A flash... no time at all. Blink. Done.

So I experimented.. One time watching the clock being totally and completely present and one time... just letting my thoughts run amuck as usual.

I was present then not present. Present, then not present.

Time was in slow motion... then time was a flash. Day and night. Awake (literally and spiritually), then asleep.

So I figured this from this experimen: If you want to enjoy your life; really make time stand still....  be present. If you want your life to be over in a flash... spend most of your days lost in your thoughts and concerned about the future.

It's that simple. If you don't have enough time... it's simply because YOU are not there. So stay here.. engage and fully commit to every moment. There is no such thing as tomorrow. There is only this moment.. there is only today. Enjoy.

~C.

Sites

Well... I am getting my boy into the PACE program. It's a hardcore intensive intervention to help his brain process things easier. He'll work 3 hours one on one with a coach at the facility and then 3 hours at home. (Might have to get in on this one myself).

I heard from his teacher yesterday and he said that my boy is taking initiative. That in all of the three years he has known him, that this is the best semester he has had. Thank you Son-rise.

You see... when shit goes down, you can either lower your standards for what you want, or actually make every attempt to meet them. I've lowered my standards for me across the board and guess what? It feels like shit.

That's not who I am. I don't settle. I don't take no for an answer. If you tell me no, I tell you goodbye. It's that simple. I do believe with all of my heart that if there is a will there is a way. Absolutely 100%.

Those feelings of frustration and powerlessness are gifts. Those feelings help you to take action. They are a signal, a cue. A RED FLAG! Taking action is power. It really is..

I had a few days of suffering last week... Here's what suffering is:  It is self-created attachment to the thought of how you thought things would be or should be. It is self-created resistance about what actually is. You can suffer all you want.. it's your choice. OR... you can accept the way things are.. which means COME TO TERMS with the way things are and then take action (power) to change them if desired. In other words: Quit your crying and do something about it!

That is what I am doing. I am changing our lives. I love our lives as it is... but I want to feel like I am contributing in a meaningful way. I have been crying on and on about this forever it seems. Sniffle sniffle boo hoo. So THANK GOD I got this wake up call that moved me into self-action and brought me to the absolute opportunity of a lifetime to enter the military.

I hate to speak too soon because my success depends on actually qualifying. They have to deem me fit to fight in every way. Mentally, physically, intellectually.  This is NOT a sure thing.

The only SURE thing is that I want this with all of me. I want this more than the Olympia. Do you hear me? The Olympia would be sweet. The Olympia would be nice.. I would get a kick out of it. BUT THIS IS ME.
This is where I belong and THIS is what I want to be doing.

I believe I can. I believe I would make an excellent Officer. I love to lead, I am a visionary, and I do best when structured. To me structure IS freedom.

Anyway.. if you hunt for my blogs or website, they are MIA. I got an image to uphold and there may just be a little too much skin. May make everyone just a little bit uncomfortable if you know what I mean.

So... have a nice day. Remember that funky mood, those winter blahs, that downright suffering is a GIFT to you to TAKE ACTION. Listen to it and follow your heart.

~C.

All things in motion

All things are in motion.

There will be no empty nest syndrome for mama as she sets out on her new new life about the same time my boy sets out on his new life.

Already talked to the Army recruiter and the local college I will attend. All things are good.

The only regret I have had in this life is that I did not enter the military as an officer. I kicked myself over and over for that one and "wished" I had done it differently.

Who would have guessed that I get a new opportunity. A Do Over! Who get's a Do over in life? Who?
ME: That's who.

Holy crap I love my life and am so thankful. I have led a charmed life. Simply charmed. Sometimes I wake up and have to pinch myself!

Ha.
~C.

P.S. If you want something.. go out and get it. It's already yours. There are actually very few actual limitations. I have found that all of mine have been self-created by my mind. Which is good news, because it's something within my reach to change.

How is this good for me?

Well,
I had a rough week.. but I knew that it was going to create a shift in perspective. I knew it was going to create a shift in my thinking... a much needed shift.  I knew it was a mountain; a challenge for me. I knew it was for my growth and even through the self-created suffering I knew deep down that change was necessary, welcomed, and ultimately inevitable.

I realized all that my husband does for us. I realized how hard he works and how much I take for granted the luxuries of our lifestyle. My head is out of the sand now and I have a new eyes.

All of this came about quite rapidly, but I think my life is aligning the way it is supposed to. I feel it.

I have decided to join the Army if they will take me. I want to take care of my family for once. It's not necessary as my husband is a great provider, but I want to. I want to give back to him, what he has given to me. All in all, I should be able to retire when I am 55 and sit out on Golden Pond writing a best-selling book.

There are a lot of stars in the sky that have to align for me to meet the age requirements and get the career field I want. This may be a long range plan that begins with service in the National Guard and moves to active duty. Ultimately I would prefer to enter as an officer if possible which would require me to finish my degree first and get it done quickly enough to meet the age cut off for entry.

Please say some prayers for us..  so that it will all work out the way I imagined or better.
Cheers to Happy Sunday!
~C.

Government

Well I learned a lot about government that I wasn't interested in whatsoever when I went to grade school. My son asked me to help him study for a big social studies test. THIS IS GOOD. This is good, because he is taking initiative. This is good because typically when I help him study all he really wants is me to do it for him. Not yesterday though.. my boy actually got in the arena and for that we celebrate. We celebrate effort!

So what is success?

It depends.

Where are you coming from and where are you going. Success to me is playing the game... getting in the arena no matter what the outcome. Success is striving. Success is having the faith and tenacity to continue on even when the outcome is not guaranteed. Success is risking your pride. It's knowing that in the end even if the outcome isn't what you originally wanted... that the game was still worth playing.

Perfectionists are the real cowards. This took me a long time to realize. Managing my environment so that I was certain to come out on top. It usually worked too. This strategy to life is also a major factor in maintaining my smallness.  If you want to be the biggest version of yourself, then you are going to have to stretch yourself, reach outside your comfort zone and grow. Go ahead and get comfortable being uncomfortable.. for that is the nature of the game of going big or going home.

I admire my son. He is stretching. He is risking his pride. He is growing into a fine young man.  I told him that I wanted him to have the pick of life's litter. I told him that we have four years left before he graduates from school. A LOT can happen in four years... if you MAKE it happen.  I am determined to MAKE it happen for him...  as long as he is open and willing. My boy knows what's best for him, and his life. He's leading his show and I am the facilitator to a life imagined by him.

Anyway... enough rambling. I haven't had any stress eating issues in the last few days since I actually got off my ass and started doing something about these things that cluttered my mind instead of stewing on them.

Not saying that I won't stress eat tomorrow or the next day... I actually have no idea. All I can do is say that I am committed to overcoming it altogether and transcend my current self.

~C.

Taking my own advice

Yes. I LOVE giving advice. Everyone LOVES a person who is ready, willing, and able to tell them what they "should" do. I am totally being sarcastic here. I know nobody loves that.

Anyway I am quick to give it.. why? Because I am so gosh darn insightful.. but you know what? I realized that I haven't been taking my own advice. I have been dishing it out in the hopes that other people will do what I don't have the balls to do. In some way if I can get someone else to rise up and be empowered in their own life that it will inspire me and light a fire under my own ass to do the same.

So I have to ask myself... who is it that I am really talking to? Am I talking to you or am I talking to myself?

You see I am passionate about certain things, but yet remain fearful. It's so easy to say one thing and so difficult to do. That's why the saying goes, "Easier said, than done."

I am on the cusp of change here. I don't just FEEL like my back is against the wall. But my back is ACTUALLY against the wall. I am in one of those fight or flight situations and you know what, my instinct tells me to fight. Fight, fight, fight and go out there and get what I am worth and make no apologies. None.

I actually do think this is possible now because of all the preaching I have done over the years. The voice I use to cheer others on... some of you have heard it. It is a "take no prisoners" voice and it is firm and it means business and doesn't put up with bullshit. That voice that I have used at the edge of the mat screaming my head off for my teammates in wrestling, the voice that I used to scream my head off at the edge of the track for my fellow teammates in track....  the voice I use to shout at the TV while watching all of the Rocky, Visionquest, Gladiator, Rudy type movies...  watching the Contender...  you name it.

That voice is now shouting at me! Go Cindy Go... DO IT and MAKE NO APOLOGIES!!! IT IS TIME GIRL, NOW GO!!

~C.

I have been thinking

I was reading another gal's blog and she mentioned stress eating.

OK.. this is what I do. I stress eat. If you think about it... it's so silly. I am under stress, and my solution to ease the stress is to eat.  How are those two things related again?  Oh yeah.. when I was a baby I cried and someone stuck a bottle in my mouth... and if I wasn't hungry someone put a plug in my mouth.

So you see.. it's not really that shameful or uncommon for people to eat when they are stressed. It's been going on a loooooong time.

The funny thing is that during contest prep instead of stress eating... we do cardio. Yeah..  we just AVOID all stressful situations by simply NOT BEING THERE and by doing cardio or working out.

Certainly we feel like we have this thing licked. You know... we're feeling great, nothing is bothering us, we are eating healthy..  but one thing is missing:

An appropriate way to DEAL with life. During contest prep.. most of us consume all of our thoughts on the big day. That one big day. That's what we think about. The ACTION we take is a relentless prescription of lifting and cardio. Life is easy.

Then after the big day. After the big shebang... there life is WAITING for you. It's just sitting there waiting and ready to come at you from all different directions at once. Life is tricky. Life can be stressful if you aren't equipped to DEAL. If you don't have the appropriate tools to DEAL.

So that is what I am doing. I am learning the tools to deal with my thoughts, my feelings about life without using food. I am not doing it on my own this time. I am TRUSTING a psychologist to help me sort this out.

This week my assignment when I feel an urge to eat when I am not hungry is to stop and say, "What is the problem?" or "What am I feeling?"  I am not so good at the feelings yet, but asking what the problem is helps me to slow down the thoughts and really think about and identify what the problem actually is.

It seems like when I start thinking about stuff, I can open the floodgates and bombard myself with ALL of life's problems all at once..  then I search for some food to temporarily rescue me. This is going to change.

Not tomorrow or next week...  but with time, persistence, and patience. It will change. I am THAT confident.

~C.